"Don't forget to fall in love with yourself first."

This is not a usual post, but I just want to write about how right this day was without even noticing. I woke up this morning seeing cancelled plans written across my phone and I was upset. I was excited to see a friend, but she had to work. Now I was left with a day wide open and nothing to do. I thought I was going to sulk, and yet, I found this to be the most peaceful and beautiful day I've had in a while.

Here are things I did just because I find them enjoyable:
-Finished reading The Hunger Games
-Ran
-Watched Grey's Anatomy
-Texted one of my best friends to fan girl about above mentioned
-Sat in front of the Christmas tree in all it's lit glory while watching The Hunger Games
^that may be overkill(haha, sick joke), but I just could not help myself after finishing the book
-Listened to beautiful music
-Had fro-yo with a good friend

Now mind you, running is not something I have really fallen in love with just yet. However, I did really enjoy it. I feel motivated and I felt renewed afterwards. I think one of these years I'll be head over heels for it, but for today it's simply an acquaintance.
Today was not at all what I expected or planned. For those of you reading this who know me will also know that I hate not having a plan; I would make all of daily plans a week in advance if I could! Today showed me to enjoy my break in ways that I want. To live in Kairos, in the right moment. Not in what is expected of me by myself or by others. I don't have to look towards the future for once. I am just living in this day that I had to myself. I am free to do what makes me happy. That's what it means to love yourself. I think I am getting back to that places. I am falling in love with myself again. I lost myself once and now I am embracing and celebrating all that I am.
Here's to days like today! Don't let them be too few and far between.

"The great thing to remember is that though our feelings come and go, God's love for us does not."

You know those people who seem to always have it all together? Their life always seems to work out. They have no flaw, or if they do, they never show them. They are always excelling no matter what they do. They can even seem to be a better Christian. That's the one that really gets me. It is so hard to see these people that are always so content in their lives and simply filled with joy. Now I know I have a lot of really good days. I have a great life. But isn't it just so easy to see people who are doing better than you are and wish you had what they did?
I cannot stop myself from seeing them and wondering why I am nothing like them? Why I feel like my life is always in shambles even when I'm doing great! I am no where near them, even on my best days. Why is that?
I have found that the enemy will find ways to sneak into your thoughts and try to remind you of all your faults and all of your failures. No matter how long ago you may have dealt with something or you may have thought that something may not longer bother you; the enemy will still find his way in. It's in the big and little things alike.
I find myself being envious of other people all the time, even people i have never met. I have had these dreams where I see someone who I know of but truly know nothing about, and they are just so perfect. Everything they do is smart, through out, compassionate, and beautiful. Things I find myself lacking in. It's like the enemy is trying to say "hey! You see all these characteristics this person has? Yeah well it's all you are not and all you will never be." It becomes so repeated over and over again in your mind that you begin to see it as true.
How do I let this happen to myself?
He comes in so swiftly when you think everything is going well. You're finally happy and things are looking up. Then out of no where you're reminded of your mistakes and the places you have fallen short. He makes you feel like you will never amount to anything or that you are bound to be this person that you left behind a long time ago. You thought you had grown and blossomed into this new person and it turns out that the enemy can still find a way to bring you right back to that place. That place that you swore you'd never see again. It's a dark place filled with hurt and self-hatred. It's in the very darkest and deepest part of your heart that makes you cringe to even think about it. Those feelings you cannot put into words because you're to ashamed.
That's where the Light needs to break in.
God hates all those lies you're being told. Not a single one of those things are true. You are smart. Your moves are thought out. You are compassionate. You are beautiful. You are enough. The Father sees every single nook and cranny of your little weak heart and He loves every single piece. More than any man ever can. He knows the mistakes you have made and He calls you to redemption. Stop listening to the slander that is no where near who you really are. You are called to be a princess of the Most High. Yes, you are not perfect. You're actually no where near it. But The Lord your God is. He fills in those places where you feel weak and broken. He sees all the beauty no matter how broken the image may seem in the mirror. Remember that. Those people you see probably feel exactly what you do. They could feel just like you do without expressing it out loud. Who knows what thoughts plague them at two in the morning. Most people will never tell you what's hurting them the most. Try to remember that there are others feeling just like you. Give them grace. We all have our own hidden bruises.
But you know what? At the end of the day you're enough Brittany. I know that it doesn't always feel like it. You will only find your completeness in the Lord. He is waiting for you to restore those hurt places that you let no one see. He loves you completely and endlessly. Brittany, you are more than your past. God's image of you is the only one that matters. Live to glorify Him, and only Him.

I saw that picture on pinterest and suddenly it hit me: This is what I want my life to be about. Over time I have realized what my passion is and that is people. Plain and simple. It's taken me awhile to figure out exactly what that means but I always knew I wanted something to do with helping people in their lives. Relationships in this life are so essential to not only survival but to happiness. We all need each other. Our community helps mold who we are and who we become. I am so blessed by the people God has brought into my life, no matter how long they stayed.