to hating that bull inside

Does anyone else ever feel like we are all just bulls in china shops when it comes to the ones we love?


Because that is how I feel all the time. I almost wonder what God's purpose of humans and their relations with one another was originally because look how far we have strayed. So many relationships I have or I have seen others have is flawed and filled with hurts and nicks made by the other person. It just all seems like a never ending cycle of hurting one another in the name of love and trying to mend that crack made from an earlier encounter. We try to love, but how do you do that unconditionally? Now I know there is no perfect relationship outside of every person's with Christ, and let's be honest, that is because He is the perfect half in this equation, but still.


I just wonder if I will have a relationship with someone and it be deep and thoughtful and be without hurting each other. Or is this just all in my head because I am the one who is messed up? Am I the dysfunctional one in this equation? Am I crazy for not knowing how to stop from being this bull with everyone I know? It is as if I cannot physically stop hitting another person, ruining another masterpiece. I don't want to be this person who hurts and hurts and hurts, but I fear that is who I am.


Sorry this is super jumbled and depressing. Just some thoughts I have had lately that I needed to say "out loud". I should be working on Research Methods...story of my life.